Today I went to a friend’s house for a “Girl’s Night Out”. I generally enjoyed myself, but I came away from the experience with a sense of not quite fitting in right. This had nothing to do with the party itself, but instead is a common feeling I have around groups of other women. I know I’m not the only person in the world who has felt this way, but it still feels isolating.

I have no really close friends, other than my husband. (Family, of course, doesn’t count in this statistic) I have good friends, but no one I really feel like I could open up to and feel understood.

I am often verbally slow on the uptake. I sometimes feel uncomfortable in the quick exchange of group conversation. I often (but not always) get quiet in these situations. I’m not sure what people think of this, because I am definately not afraid of standing up in front of people, talking and teaching; leading discussions. I really hope they don’t think I’m stuck up, because usually I’m just not sure what to say fast enough.

Sometimes I start to explain something, and then I realize I’m taking an entirely too scientific approach for the group I’m with. These days (as opposed to highschool), I’m not sure that they actually think I’m strange, but I’m definately “really smart”. At least, people have told me that I am. And while it may be a compliment, I think it is also kind of intimidating to them, and I also interpret it as “sometimes the things you say are really technical and hard to understand, and definately strange for a girl to say”. I realized this as I was talking to a friend about vitamins, and started to talk in some detail about how the molecular structure of certain nutrients would be the same no matter where they came from and how some more natural sources could actually be less reliable than a measured amount of the stuff… See what I mean?

It makes it hard for them to relate to me, I think. What they might not understand is that I’m also somewhat intimidated by them and the different talents they have.

To be sure, I don’t dwell on this all too often. But sometimes, I wish I had a girlfriend who could just “get me”. A person who I could talk to about how my faith in God and Science intersects, who would be as excited as I to learn something new about how the universe works, who would like the kind of fiction I read and write, as well as share all those things that are unique to being a woman.